Glow & Grow

Hi, it’s Lexa! Let’s talk about something that can make or break your professional life: assertive communication. Whether you’re navigating a tricky conversation with a colleague, standing up for your ideas in a meeting, or setting boundaries with your boss, assertiveness is your secret weapon.

Before we dive into the five steps, let’s clear something up: assertive communication isn’t about being the loudest or most forceful person in the room. It’s about expressing your thoughts, needs, and feelings clearly and respectfully—without stepping on anyone else’s toes. Sounds simple, right? But let’s be real: in the heat of the moment, it’s not always easy. That’s why I’ve broken it down into five practical, actionable steps to help you master the art of assertiveness in the workplace.


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Step 1: Know What You Want to Say

Assertiveness starts with clarity. Before you engage in any conversation, take a moment to understand your goal. What are you trying to achieve? Are you requesting support, clarifying a misunderstanding, or sharing feedback?

Example:
Instead of:
“I feel like I’m doing too much work.”

Say:
“I’d like to discuss how we can rebalance the workload on our team to ensure everyone has manageable tasks.”

Quick Tip:
Write down your main points before heading into a discussion, especially for high-stakes conversations. This will help you stay focused and avoid getting sidetracked.


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Step 2: Use “I” Statements

“I” statements are a game-changer for assertive communication. They allow you to express your feelings or needs without sounding accusatory, which reduces the chance of the other person becoming defensive.

Formula:
“I feel [emotion] when [situation] because [reason]. I need [solution].”

Example:
“I feel overwhelmed when deadlines are moved up without notice because it impacts my ability to deliver quality work. I need more advance communication when timelines change.”

This approach shifts the focus to your experience and avoids blaming others, making it easier for people to respond constructively.


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Step 3: Practice Active Listening

Assertiveness isn’t just about speaking—it’s also about listening. When you actively listen to the other person, you show that you value their perspective. This builds trust and sets the stage for collaboration.

How to Practice Active Listening:

Maintain eye contact.

Nod or give verbal affirmations like “I see” or “That makes sense.”

Summarize what you’ve heard: “So, you’re saying that the timeline change was unavoidable due to client needs?”


Example in Action:
Colleague: “I’m really stressed because I feel like my input on the project isn’t being considered.”
You: “I hear you. It sounds like you want more involvement in the decision-making process. Let’s figure out how we can make that happen.”


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Step 4: Set Boundaries Clearly and Kindly

Boundaries are crucial for a healthy work environment, but setting them can feel uncomfortable—especially if you’re worried about coming across as uncooperative. The key is to be direct yet empathetic.

Example:
When a coworker asks you to take on extra tasks:
“I appreciate that you thought of me, but my current workload doesn’t allow me to take this on right now. Can we brainstorm another solution together?”

Why It Works:
You’re not just saying “no”; you’re offering an alternative, which keeps the conversation positive and productive.


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Step 5: Stay Calm and Composed

It’s easy to let emotions take over, especially during tense situations. However, staying calm is essential for effective assertive communication. Take a deep breath, pause before responding, and keep your tone neutral.

Lexa’s Real-World Tip:
When I’m in a high-pressure conversation, I use what I call the “power pause.” Before responding, I count to three in my head. This gives me a moment to collect my thoughts and respond assertively rather than react emotionally.

Example:
If someone interrupts you in a meeting, instead of snapping, say:
“Hold on a moment—I’d like to finish my thought, and then I’d love to hear your input.”


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Why Assertive Communication Matters

Assertive communication isn’t just about getting what you want—it’s about creating an environment where everyone feels respected and heard. It fosters collaboration, reduces misunderstandings, and builds stronger relationships. Plus, it’s a key ingredient for professional growth.


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Overcoming Common Challenges

Challenge 1: Fear of Conflict
Solution: Remind yourself that being assertive doesn’t mean being confrontational. You’re simply expressing your needs or ideas in a respectful way.

Challenge 2: Feeling Intimidated by Authority Figures
Solution: Focus on the issue, not the person. Use facts and “I” statements to present your case without fear.

Challenge 3: Guilt About Saying “No”
Solution: Understand that saying “no” is not selfish—it’s necessary for maintaining balance and doing your best work.


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Mastering assertive communication takes practice, but the benefits are worth it. You’ll not only enhance your professional relationships but also reduce stress, boost confidence, and achieve your goals more effectively.

Start small—pick one of these steps to practice this week. Maybe it’s using “I” statements in your emails or setting a boundary during a meeting. With time, assertiveness will become second nature.

Now, go forth and communicate like the empowered professional you are!

What’s your biggest challenge with assertive communication? Share in the comments—I’d love to hear from you.