Feedback. It’s a simple word that can stir up so many emotions—anxiety, defensiveness, or even dread. I’ve been there, sitting in a meeting as someone “constructively” pointed out my mistakes, my mind racing with excuses or self-criticism. And I’ve also been on the other side, needing to deliver feedback but hesitating because I didn’t want to hurt feelings or strain a working relationship.
It wasn’t always smooth sailing, but over time, I’ve come to see feedback as a gift—one that has transformed my career and even strengthened my relationships. Whether you’re giving it or receiving it, constructive criticism, done right, can be empowering rather than intimidating. Let me share the lessons I’ve learned along the way.
Lesson 1: Shift the Mindset—Feedback Is Fuel
Early in my career, I dreaded feedback. It felt like a critique of who I was, rather than what I did. But here’s the game-changer: feedback isn’t personal; it’s professional. Once I reframed it as a tool for growth, it became a lot less scary.
Now, when I receive feedback, I remind myself it’s like a compass. It points me toward areas where I can grow, improve, or fine-tune my skills. I’ve even started to actively ask for it, which, believe me, was a huge leap from my earlier defensive days.
My Tip for You: If feedback feels daunting, try journaling about it afterward. Write down what was said, what you learned, and how you’ll apply it. This reflection helps you see it as actionable rather than emotional.
Lesson 2: Make It About the Work, Not the Person
When I first had to give feedback, I tiptoed around the subject. “You’re doing great!” I’d start, hoping to soften the blow. Then I’d rush through the critique like ripping off a Band-Aid. Spoiler: that approach didn’t help anyone.
Now, I’ve learned to focus on the work, not the person. For example, instead of saying, “You didn’t handle that client well,” I’d say, “The client situation was challenging—next time, we could try XYZ to ensure smoother communication.” By shifting the focus to the outcome or process, the feedback feels less like an attack and more like a collaboration.
My Tip for You: Use the “sandwich method”—start with something positive, offer the constructive feedback in the middle, and end with encouragement. It keeps the tone balanced and supportive.
Lesson 3: Timing Is Everything
I’ve learned (the hard way) that timing matters. Once, in a high-stress project, I gave feedback to a colleague right after a tough client call. Let’s just say it didn’t go well.
Now, I ask myself, “Is this the right moment?” Before giving feedback, I try to ensure both the other person and I are in a calm, receptive state. And when receiving feedback, I’ve started asking for time to process it, especially if it’s unexpected. A simple “Thank you for the input—can I circle back once I’ve had time to think it through?” works wonders.
My Tip for You: Avoid giving feedback during heated moments. Instead, schedule a one-on-one when emotions aren’t running high.
Lesson 4: Practice Active Listening
Receiving feedback can be tough, especially when it feels unearned or harsh. But I’ve found that even in those moments, there’s usually a nugget of truth worth exploring.
Instead of reacting defensively, I’ve trained myself to pause and listen. I ask clarifying questions like, “Can you give an example?” or “How do you think I could handle that differently next time?” This not only helps me understand the feedback better but also shows the other person I value their input.
My Tip for You: When giving feedback, use open-ended questions to invite dialogue. For example, “How did you feel that went?” or “What do you think could be improved?”
Lesson 5: Normalize Feedback in Your Culture
At work, I’ve made it a point to build a feedback-friendly environment. It started with me being vulnerable—admitting my mistakes, asking for input, and showing that I value improvement over perfection.
For example, in team meetings, I’ll share a success and then ask, “What do you think we could do better next time?” By modeling this behavior, I’ve noticed my team is more comfortable giving and receiving feedback. It’s no longer something we fear; it’s just part of how we work together.
My Tip for You: Lead by example. Show your team it’s okay to not have all the answers and that feedback is a team effort.
Lesson 6: Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
Finally, I’ve learned that feedback isn’t about being perfect—it’s about getting better. Early in my career, I’d obsess over criticism, thinking I had to fix everything overnight. Now, I focus on small, measurable progress.
When giving feedback, I try to highlight the growth I’ve seen in others: “I noticed you handled this situation much more confidently than last time.” And when receiving feedback, I remind myself that even small improvements are worth celebrating.
My Tip for You: Create a “feedback wins” list for yourself or your team. Write down positive outcomes from feedback to remind everyone that it works!
Embracing Feedback Without Fear
Feedback used to terrify me, but now it excites me. Whether I’m offering it or receiving it, I see it as an opportunity to learn, connect, and grow. The key is to approach it with openness, empathy, and a clear focus on improvement, not perfection.
So, the next time you’re faced with feedback—whether in the boardroom, with a colleague, or even from your toddler’s honest critiques (trust me, they’re the harshest!)—take a deep breath. Remember, it’s not about who you are; it’s about where you’re going.
You’ve got this, and I’ll be right here cheering you on from my corner of the internet.
Glow & Grow 
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